Angel

Its a new year. 2010 brought me hell. Losing my dad, losing T, but gaining the most beautiful gift I have ever received; Miss LeAnn Delilah. My blue eyed beauty. T and I finally separated after the fighting just got too rough. Screaming in my face and breaking things isn't the most charming, sorry to shock you! 7 months pregnant T told me he didn't love me anymore. I don't think I have ever pured my heart out so much to fight for someone in my life. My world revolved around him, but.. but what? Whats there to say. To melt my walls down so fast and to be vulnerable in the most naked sense wasn't easy. It felt right. I could break down in front of him whenever I needed to and he would always be there. Too bad he was only there physically. When I was distressed, he was numb to my feelings. I could curse his name until my fingers bled from typing...but I wont. He only made me robust. It was just another mountain. He told me that I should stay with my mom up in Indiana and have the baby there. Some "man".. I hadn't seen my mother in 6 years. So as he wished, I went. I was up there for 1 month and he wouldn't speak to me or answer my calls. Wow, and I was carrying his baby! Finally after a month passed he called me one night crying and asked me to come home. As he wished I followed his request. How could i not, he was the only thing I had. Without him I felt like I no longer had a purpose here. Once I returned the fighting got more heated and intense. When LeAnn was born it got even worse! I couldn't take it. So I asked him to move out. After a couple weeks we got into an argument and the outcome was losing the apartment. I have a baby, no car, no money, no where to go. Last resort; his parents house. Now I have 2 jobs and I'm a surviving single mother. I never thought the statistics would get to us. Were just another failing parents to bite there lips whenever we came into contact. My daughter will never live the life I did. No one person should ever bare the life this world has given me. But I'll look up when I walk and never stumble into relying on a man. I will forever rely on myself and teach my daughter to do so as well. You can't blame anyone for your own mistakes. I'm not sitting here saying I have the worst life in the world. God, I know many have it tremendously harder and I amend them for what they go through. So future?? Not even one day at a time. I have to take step by step until I can learn how to not stumble. I'll make it. You'll see for all the people who don't believe in me.