Beautiful Rescue

Living with T's parents isn't easy by any means. When I go to lay down in R's bed all I can think about is where T and I started. From the Tiffany's ring to our pumpkin carvings...that came out disastrous by the way. T's dad and I couldn't agree less on probably every topic...ever. Eh, and all I can do is keep my mouth shut. It's so frustrating that everywhere I look I see a memory in every room. Kitchen- making french toast, eggs with franks hot sauce. Bedroom- well what can I say? Bathroom- our random dancing, I could go on and on. I just need freedom so desperately. I need to move, run away from this town and all of these fragile memories that I can't let go of. It's like I'm asking God for a little space from my life. To regather myself. I'm working but a** off to try to buy a car. I'm a mom and I still have to be drive around ! I feel so pathetic. This isn't the life I wanted or the life I asked for. I'm so sick of people trying to give me advice that have never stood in my shoes before. If you've never lived it by all means shut your mouth before you try to come at me with advice.. I wont listen to you. People think they have it so freaking hard here in Naples if their oil is leaking. Get over yourself and your petty lifestyle. I'm at the peak of my patience, I feel like I'm drowning myself in every emotional way possible. People say..."you need to talk to someone". Why ? Why does a stranger deserve me to pour out my heart to them when they don't know me from Adam. Why? if they won't even remember my name tomorrow. Why?? Its pointless. I'm so ready to not struggle every day. I'm crying out for a beautiful rescue. I'm so sick of wishing I had my family back, I'll never understand why my dad left me. God does it hurt. Every time I step into that church and i stand there by myself I cant help to cry. I don't know how to recover from losing everyone I loved and trusted. I feel like if my own father would abandon my love and trust, who wouldn't? I'm strong enough now where I don't fall to the ground weeping as often pounding the ground and asking God to give me some kind of hope because I know I cant go on like this too much longer. The simple fact is I'm facing a daily struggle to love anyone who walks into my path or tries to act like they care. I have absolutely no faith in someone to truly love me. I gave my all the T down to everything I had in me and that was the last time I would let someone break me. The most discouraging thing about everything, is I know from here on out it will never get easier.